Simple Christmas Rules

by The Apple Sisters

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Vintage musical comedy trio The Apple Sisters' wistful, zany holiday tune that will guarantee to make your Christmas less stressful. Easy as 1,2,3! "[The Apple Sisters] are Sarah Silverman meets the Shaggs" - LA Times

“Simple Christmas Rules” can be downloaded RIGHT NOW on cdbaby.com/theapplesisters

The Apple Sisters present a single from their upcoming Christmas album “Holidoozy Merry Christ-mess!” It drops December 2nd, so pick it up before it falls in a drain.

lyrics

Apple Sisters: We know the holidays can be stressful
So many people to see and things to do
But we have some simple Christmas tips
To make it merry for you

It's the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules
Yes, the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules!

Cora: First things first you need a tree
But they can be pricey to buy
Just sneak in the woods and chop it down
With your kitchen butter knife

Candy: No need to pay for decorations
To hang on that Christmas tree
Just shave your head, use your hair for tinsel
Easy as 1,2,3

Candy: It's free!
Seedy: So Simple
Cora: And Easy to follow.

It's the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules
Yes, the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules!

Seedy: Stuff your stockings with peppermints
And poop of a reindeer
Then toss out your shoes, put them on your feet
Toes’ll smell like Christmas Cheer!

All: Everyone loves a fire
In the fireplace
Why stop there? Light the whole house up
Win best "Light Display"

Cora: I met a fireman!
Seedy: And now we're homeless
Candy: But our feet smell great!

It's the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules
Yes, the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules!

We know just what you're thinking
We got too carried away
We'll make it even simpler
To make your holiday gay!

Candy: Hello holiday!

Cora: Dress your dogs like elves and ride them like reindeer
Candy: Celebrate Christmas every other day, every other year
Seedy: Carol all the houses in each and every state
Cora: Eat a flock of Christmas Geese to gain some Christmas weight
Candy: Learn every Yuletide song on the oboe and French horn
Seedy: Wear icicles on your head like a Christmas unicorn
Cora: Carve a life-sized manger out of rationed soap
Candy: Adopt-an orphanage full of children and give them to the Pope
Seedy: Meet with warring leaders and make Peace on Earth
All: Camp out in the desert and have a virgin birth

It's the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules
Yes, the Apple Sisters Holidoozy super simple Christmas rules!
Follow our rules or you’ll be a Christmas FOOL!

credits

released November 18, 2013
Music and Lyrics by The Apple Sisters
Orchestrated and Arranged by Jerome Kurtenbach
Mixed and Mastered by Cyrus Ghahremani
Produced by Kimmy Gatewood, Rebekka Johnson, Sarah Lowe, Jerome Kurtenbach, Cyrus Ghahremani
Recorded and Engineered by Cyrus Ghahremani & Sonic Fuel Studios
Sonic Fuel Engineers:  Lead Engineer - Jeff Vaughn, 2nd Engineer - Keith Ukrisna, Studio Manager Elvis Bates, Engineer Intern - Josh Margolis
Orchestra Contractor:  Hollywood Scoring
Orchestra:  The Royal Happy Holidoozy Merry Christ-mess Pops
Drums:  Dr. Adam Subhas
Artwork: Matt Johnson

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